Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
