I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
