she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
