I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
