u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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