She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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