final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
