nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this hospital has no fireball
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
