I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
