If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
