it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
