God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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