I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
