There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
