i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
