I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize