the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
