My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.