I wish I could punch you in the face.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!