So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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