i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos