If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."