Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?