i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is