why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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