just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
