I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
