When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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