Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
