You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
