so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
