also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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