new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
