Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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