Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
