What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
