is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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