Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
