Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
