My pussy is not your playground.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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