I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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