Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
