im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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