i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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