I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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