Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
