cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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