Where is the hickey?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
