i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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