Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
