Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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