the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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