All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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