Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
