Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
