It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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