Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
