Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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