fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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