i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
