He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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