if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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