If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
FUCK WHALES
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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