Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to make out with him forever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
