you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
