ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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