So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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