apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
