i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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