Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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