I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
