I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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