I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
