Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
